Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | October 18, 2010

Off My Medication 10-18-10


1.  Former NFL star Junior Seau beat his girlfriend and then drove off a cliff in a white SUV today. These football players just can’t get it right…you are supposed to 1. Marry her. 2. Stab her and then 3. Drive around town slowly in a white SUV.

2. Sarah Palin tossed a humorous zinger at the President today…
“Nobody tell Barack Obama what number comes after a trillion.”
What they left out of the quote in the newspaper was…
“but could someone actually tell me…really…what is it?”

3.  A Florida man tried to plead innocent to assault charges after punching his pregnant wife in the stomach while on a flight from Baltimore to Florida. His defense was that the plane was actually over the state of Georgia at the time of the alleged assault.

4. Officials have changed the steps for administering CPR…AGAIN. Every year it changes…short breaths…long breaths…five compressions…ten compressions. Now we are supposed to “compress” before we offer breaths. Go down in front of me and I am just going to shock your ass…

And…because I have a hard time doing five of these and not mentioning some kind of venereal disease…

5. I attribute the “OK” being given to eat Iowa eggs again to something similar to Nichole Ritchie’s “warts” clearing up…I am staying away from both of them.

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Responses

  1. 4. Did they really change CPR again? Cause I just renewed my BLS (healthcare provider CPR Cert). I hope not. They change the regular people one constantly to be closer to the healthcare provider one. They still make us do breaths… they tell the public to only do compressions. Great, we get Hepatitis and you regular people stay germ free… Jerks. I’m still not puttin my mouth on some nasty stranger!

  2. 1. Junior Seau is a defensive player. He does things differently.

    2. I don’t think she believes in a number higher than one trillion. That’s an athiest number.

    3. Is it legal to beat up pregnant chicks in Georgia?

    4. They’ve also recommended fondling a woman’s breasts as part of the procedure. You know, if she’s hot.

    5. What happened to Iowa eggs? They got scabies too?

  3. Can I just say I’m lovin’ the title? Keep up the laughs!

  4. No Iowa eggs for me either! I tried to go to your other blog and was locked out and then I realized I had an email from you pointing me at this blog. Not one of my smartest moments. 🙂 Why the change? Hope you’re doing well!

    • Is Kathy blonde too??? She and I could start a little fan club for you. Then you’d only have to explain things one time to the group! 😀

      • Maybe it would only be three times.

      • I have my moments 😉

  5. Palin or Odonnell. I just can’t decide who gives me the scariest nightmares…

    • It is similar to a Mel Gibson/ Mike Tyson debate I had with someone this evening. Which would you leave your kid with if you had no other choice?


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