Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | October 21, 2010

Driving Over a Llama


Our annual vacation to mountainside cabin also includes a trip to a place that I find disgusting and revolting.

A drive-thru Safari Park.

I don’t where these animals come from…but I know they are in my way.

They are in my way because they are hungry and they get fed by the people who “drive-thru”

The first year we “drove-thru” I was a passenger in charge of making sure the kids had a chance to feed the animals.  The hour drive ended with bison boogers and food pellets in my shirt, my hair and all over the vehicle.

It was horrible.

For the sake of my marriage, I still go each year…but it is under protest.    After 15 minutes, all of the kids are screaming because they are under siege from a wildebeast or an ostrich trying to jump into the van, I am yelling at the llamas blocking my path and my wife is yelling at everyone to shut up and have fun because we are doing this “for” the kids.

No one likes this place.

No one.

But it is a tradition.

And like any “holiday” tradition, we argue the whole time.

My dislike for the Safari Park has little to do with sympathy for the animals…I would probably eat most of them.  

This is about the hour of hell driving through the place and the tw hours it takes me to clean up the an after it is over.

A part of the “tradition” is taking the van to a car wash after I drop them off at a restaurant so I can vacuum the snot, saliva and food from all the cracks and crevices in the seats.

Oh…and just incase you didn’t know, there is no “bison rider” on your insurance policy and dents  and scratched caused by crazed animals are not covered by your regular policy.

Since I deal with contracts everyday, I was able to negotiate one point in my favor.

I take the “driving position” with my window rolled up and my door locked.  

Tomorrow, we visit the Safari Park.

Wish me luck.

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Responses

  1. Bison boogers, snot and saliva…. you make it sound so appealing! I want to visit one of these places!

    NOT!

    Be safe out there!

  2. I’ve once gone to a safari park but I rode the in-house bus through the park. I was a kid at the time and no way in hell was my mother taking her BMW through the safari park.
    Even if I drove through in a tank, I wouldn’t open it up so the animals could stick there heads in.

  3. Ewww, you’re insane. Some traditions must die a horrible, slow death. This sounds like one of those traditions.

  4. I would probably eat most of them. haha! Good luck…I hope you and your van survive 🙂

  5. I always wondered what one of those places would be like to visit. Obviously, you have clearly outlined the cons and well, cons of the scenario 🙂

    I would eat most of the animal selection there as well!

  6. Fleetwood Mac’s Holiday Road just popped in my head. Glad you’re enjoying your vacation, Clark.


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