Circumstances have forced me to take a break from “funny” since it would actually cut into my five hours of sleep…or result in a divorce.
We’re trying to get back into some kind of flow…
1. Trying to convince a woman that a guy my size is worth their time is like trying to convince the American consumer that the Chevy Bolt is an actual automobile. In two or three years, you might be glad you have it, but there is nothing exciting about it today.
2. Katy Perry insists that it was herself, and not her handlers, who requested her VH1 photo advertisement be altered to diminish her bust size. She also insisted that she doesn’t have “handlers.”
I wonder if she is taking applications. 😉
3. When choosing which one I potty train, a two-year old boy or an eight week old puppy, I choose the puppy. I can do that in two days and don’t have to read any Thomas the Tank Engine stories.
4. Rapper DMX was ordered to jail for a probation violation, maybe he’ll run into someone he knows there and get some advice. If he runs into Wesley Snipes, he should only take some exercise tips from him…and leave the financial advice to the professionals.
5. A Burger King worker was fired this week for adding a “f*ck you” message on the top of a customer’s receipt. He was immediately hired as a manager by McDonald’s…just because he actually had the ability to write.