Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | January 2, 2011

Off My Medication 1-2-11


Yesterday marked the first time I could really sit, with a clear head, in a long time.  It was nice to be able ot read the headlines and let some “funny” flow.

No guarantees about them actually being “funny.”

1.  Former “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul insists that she “is intelligent.” This is comparable to other famous declarations. Richard Nixon, “I am not a crook” and Charlie Sheen’s “She was not a hooker.”

2.  I have decided that I am not making any resolutions for myself…I am just going to tell OTHERS things they should do to improve themselves.

3.  I have decided that smoking is going to be the bad habit I start this year, but I really don’t like all the smoke…I am going to start with the Nicorette to start my addiction.  I should be up to non-filtered Camels by next Christmas.

4.  I fell asleep before the start of the new year, but woke at mid-night when the tremor from the Snooki-Ball drop hit here.

5.  Today marks the beginning of OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network. 24 hours of Oprah. She insists the recent ratings losses to Judge Judy don’t scare her…she is more than capable of competing with other network HEAVYWEIGHTS.

6.  It’ll take Jupiter and all of it’s 63 moons to line up, but astronomers are forecasting a full Oprah eclipse in the fall of 2011.

7.  A New Jersey woman was charged with setting her boyfriend, who was asleep on the couch, on fire last night. At what point is he no longer your boyfriend? I say it is the second you actually light the match.

‎8.  49-45-52? These are not Oprah’s measurements…but points given up by Big Ten defenses so far today.

9.  The Oklahoma Sooners, judging by their performance tonight, do not deserve to be in the Big Ten.

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Responses

  1. I like the OWN commercials where Oprah says, “I have so many experiences to share. I have so many stories. I want to….” and then she says, “This is OUR network.” Geez.

  2. So what resolutions do you have for me? Preferably of the non-smoking variety. Speaking of which, I don’t think smoking fits your lifestyle. Doesn’t present a good role model for the children and probably will hinder your ability to run races. Maybe you could try one of those e-cigarettes?

    Can’t believe I missed the Snooki ball!

  3. I really can’t stand Oprah. But you pick on her so much that I almost want to like her. Here is why I don’t like her. Because she puts herself on every cover of her magazine. I get it, its Oprah magazine, but really? We know what you look like by now.

  4. Haha, you should totally do #2. Make it your resolution to tell people what their resolutions should be. You could do a service for society! 🙂

    • I do that a lot to Oprah…but doing it in me real life is part of the reason why I need an extreme amount of dental work.

  5. #2 is absolutely brilliant. It could be a whole website. MY RESOLUTIONS 4 U!!

    Starting smoking! What a great idea! I’d start with the chaw instead of the gum, it’s a bit cheaper and you can fill your water bottle with brown goo and keep it on your desk at work so folks can admire the progress you’re making!

    I hear what Maleesha is saying, but I can’t stand that self-involvement-disguised-as-concern-for-everything crap that OW has been pushing for way too long. So have at her dude!

    • I actually had a plan to do this…on a different scale. I should email you that plan.

  6. I thought Paul Abdul rode off into the sunset so we wouldn’t have to deal with her lack of intelligent thought anymore. No? Shoot.


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