Yesterday marked the first time I could really sit, with a clear head, in a long time. It was nice to be able ot read the headlines and let some “funny” flow.
No guarantees about them actually being “funny.”
1. Former “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul insists that she “is intelligent.” This is comparable to other famous declarations. Richard Nixon, “I am not a crook” and Charlie Sheen’s “She was not a hooker.”
2. I have decided that I am not making any resolutions for myself…I am just going to tell OTHERS things they should do to improve themselves.
3. I have decided that smoking is going to be the bad habit I start this year, but I really don’t like all the smoke…I am going to start with the Nicorette to start my addiction. I should be up to non-filtered Camels by next Christmas.
4. I fell asleep before the start of the new year, but woke at mid-night when the tremor from the Snooki-Ball drop hit here.
5. Today marks the beginning of OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network. 24 hours of Oprah. She insists the recent ratings losses to Judge Judy don’t scare her…she is more than capable of competing with other network HEAVYWEIGHTS.
6. It’ll take Jupiter and all of it’s 63 moons to line up, but astronomers are forecasting a full Oprah eclipse in the fall of 2011.
7. A New Jersey woman was charged with setting her boyfriend, who was asleep on the couch, on fire last night. At what point is he no longer your boyfriend? I say it is the second you actually light the match.
8. 49-45-52? These are not Oprah’s measurements…but points given up by Big Ten defenses so far today.
9. The Oklahoma Sooners, judging by their performance tonight, do not deserve to be in the Big Ten.