Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | January 3, 2011

Please don’t ask me about my New Year?


STICK AROUND THROUGH THE SET UP TO GET OFFENDED BY THE END OF THIS ONE:

My work day begins when get out of bed at 4:30am and I am out of the door by about 5:15 or so…which get me to work by around 6am.

I get there about an hour early but it affords me the time to get settled before the Choas of Construction hits.

After going through my emails and phone logs for the last two weeks, I can say the typical day has me getting about 45 emails and sending about 30.  I receive around 20 phone calls and make an average of 15.

 Every call and conversation I had today began with something like this, “How was your New Year?”

None of them involved me asking them…they were asking me.

I didn’t ask them, because I really didn’t care.

There was work going on…I had other calls to make and emails to answer.   While we are “chatting” there is a crisis that needed to be fixed.

I know these people didn’t call me to find out what I did for my holiday…and I KNOW THAT I DIDN’T CARE what they did.

Please don’t misunderstand me, I hope they had a wonderful time.  I just don’t want to hear about it…at all.

They ate too much…drank too much…whatever.   They were just asking me what I did, so I would ask them what they did.

The first couple questions took me by surprise and I answered accordingly with…

“I survived” or “Nothing bad happened.”

Even though my responses had the desired impact of SILENCE from the person asking the question, I grew bored with those generic answers quickly.

I changed up the responses to one of the following.

1.  “Unlike last year…no one died.” (An unimaginative variation of “I survived.”  But I wasn’t prepared.)

2.  “I’m Jewish.  Our New Year is April.  I am calling the HR Department.”

3.  “I lost all my money betting on Big Ten Schools in Bowl Games.”

4.  “It was Snooki-licious”

5.  “I spent the night in the hospital trying to find a stroke victim to help interpret Dick Clark on ABC”

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Responses

  1. HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Luckily I was off today so I don’t have to spend the question answer nicety nice phase until tomorrow, but now I will be ready.

    • I scared people with the “Jewish” one…but Snooki-licious was my personal favorite even if it is “Letterman-like.”

  2. *This* stuff is funny. 🙂 Love it.

  3. JFC.

    Swears: while I was reading this, someone came in and asked if I enjoyed the holiday. I told him I had an abortion.

  4. Good stuff! I can’t relate to the Dick Clark reference because I was already asleep.

  5. You’ve outdone yourself on this one. Can’t decide which is my favorite… Jewish New Year, Snooki-licious, or needing to find a stroke-victim interpreter for Dick Clark. I KNOW I shouldn’t laugh at that, but it was gut-busting funny!

    Your funny is most definitely back.

  6. I usually say “Why don’t you go ask your mom?”

    It really keeps them guessing.


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