Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | January 16, 2011

Writing Slump 1-16-11


Maybe it is the end of a couple of large projects at work or the start of the basketball season for area school children we coordinate, but i have been in a writing slump this week.

I sat down this evening to write, but “nothing really happened”…kind of like anyone born before 1950 if Viagra or Cialis.

But, there is nothing like a gathering of celebrities to get me back on track…so let’s write while the Golden Globes are on my television.

1.   Christian Bale won the Golden Globe this evening for “Best Supporting Actor.” To celebrate he screamed at three union electricians for standing too close to him and punched Ricky Gervais in the face.

2.  Steve Buscemi won two Golden Globe awards this evening. One for “Best Actor” for his role in “Boardwalk Empire” and the other for becoming famous despite resembling 80% of the men on the Sex Offender Register.

3.  Justin Bieber was on hand to present the award for Best Animated Feature Film, but escaped quickly as Madonna battled with Brad and Angelina in an attempt to adopt him.

4.  Stallone?!?!??! They better not leave him on stage very long!!!! He might melt.

5.  Presenting was the only way Stallone was getting on stage tonight.

6.  I think Al Pacino just thanked Jack Kevorkian. At Pacino’s age, he might not want to do that.

Is it possible that Pacino and Buscemi were separated at birth?

7.   Keeping Sylvester Stallone under those lights for a long time might not be a good idea…something is melting off of his face.  But that is the ONLY way he is getting on the stage this season.

8.  Wonders if that blotch on Megan Fox’s arm was put there to cover up a tattoo..or a chlamydia flair-up?

9.  When is Natalie Portman getting a boob job?

10.  Although it is good to see that Tim Allen isn’t putting cocaine up his nose any longer, it looks like he hasn’t met a piece of fried chicken he didn’t shove in his throat.

11.  The director of “Glee” thanked public school teachers for doing the hardest job on the planet, but I would like to disagree…someone had to be tasked with making sure Jeff Bridges made it on the set of True Grit every day. 

12.  Ricky Gervais let Sandra Bullock off the hook.  Maybe he was taken back stage for almost and hour making sure he didn’t say…

a.  “at least she is better at driving a bus than she must be in the sack”

b.   “they had to cover up Megan Fox’s tattoos because they reminded Sandra of her ex-husband.”

c.  The only thing that could stop me from more Sandra Bullock jokes is the appearance of Michael Douglas.

13.   Michael Douglas sounds like he needs to clear his throat.

Good night.

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Responses

  1. 1. Oh Christian Bale “I’m BHAHTMAHN!” He’ll never live that down either.

    2. I haven’t seen Billy Madison in a while.

    3. Hey! Justin Beiber doesn’t come from some backwards starving nation. He comes from Canada. Those people won’t adopt him for that reason. But any nation willing to take him, can certainly have him. We got rid of him, now he’s your problem America. HAHAHA!

    4. Stallone is best seen in dim lighting. Which is why Rocky, Rocky IV and First Blood were good films.

    5. But presenting requires the ability to speak. Stallone lacks that ability.

    6. Don’t fuck with Al Pacino. When you fuckin’ witta him, you fuckin’ witta da best!

    7. Stallone should have gone with the say-lean (sp?) implants. They aren’t as firm, but they don’t melt like plastic.

    8. It’s a Decepticon tattoo. She’s changed sides.

    9. Apparently she has a lesbo scene in Black Swan with Mila Kunis. She’s earned the right not to have to get a boob job.

    10. “You know what this deep fryer needs? More POWER! UGH UGH UGH!”

    11. No, the hardest job is the person who has to watch and listen to Glee to transcribe it for closed captioning.

    12. (a) was good one.

    13. Lay off Douglas’ throat. He’s recovering from throat cancer. If you wanna make fun of him, take shots at the fact that he looks older than his father.

  2. I think Pacino still looks good!

    Jeff Bridges never looked worse than in his role in The Big Lebowski.

  3. I hope they put Steve Buscemi in the Smithsonian when he croaks. He is one special character. The Golden Globes were lame in the end. I am looking forward to seeing how the “younguns” do at the Academy Awards this year. I will look forward to your comments after those air this spring.

    • It was fun to write these while in front of the TV…especially for the hour Gervais was MIA.

  4. It took me a while to get here. But I followed some of this on Facebook. Maleesha is right about Steve, he’s special. He would adapt well to taxidermy. I don’t watch award shows, but I think this was a brilliant idea and generated an excellent post.

    Some day I hope to see your show getting its award, and folks like Maleesha and I will be standing by on whatever the interwebs have to offer in order to skewer you and your success.

    In conclusion, a ‘writing slump’ for you is pretty good stuff for us. Now get back to work.


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