Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | February 13, 2011

Celebrating Valentines Day-Rejected Candy Hearts


Valentines shouldn’t be left as a holiday just for Hallmark.  So…to celebrate, I offer you my list of  “Rejected Candy Hearts” in the order I wrote them.  I surely cannot guarantee no one else has written these too…but I haven’t stolen them from anyone.  As you can see, they got a little better (or worse) as I went along.

Enjoy.

  1. UR Infected 2
  2. Those R Luv Bumps
  3. Do you Smell Carp?
  4. UR Mom was BTR
  5. XTC
  6. Eat this, Soon Yi
  7. I’m a QB for the NY Jets.  Want some candy?
  8. 200 of these a day and you too, can look like Oprah
  9. If three of these don’t work, try some Valtrex
  10. Mouth Hug Me
  11. It Rubs Lotion on its’ skin
  12. We can call them Genital Moles if it makes you feel more comfortable
  13. No longer on the offender list
  14. These, plus $30K worked for Charlie Sheen
  15. These plus a Hello Kitty backpack worked for Woody Allen.
  16. 4 out of 5 pedophiles approve
  17. Let’s exchange safewords

I think that is enough.  You have any?

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Responses

  1. FCK ME RNNING
    UR SISTR DID THT 2
    I’D FCK ME
    HIV +
    PUT IT N MY BUTT?

  2. That reminds me of another one:

    RECTUM? IT NEARLY KILLED EM!

  3. BET U CANT
    NO WAY GOMEZ
    PORN ME
    NOT THAT HOLE
    ITS SO CUTE!
    MR DIXWELL
    NOT VIAGRA
    GET VIAGRA
    SHOW ME HOW
    MY HEAD ACHES 2
    KY 4 U?
    U BENT ME
    OWW!
    SLOWER
    FASTER
    HARDER
    SOFTER
    LOWER
    HIGHER
    ETCETERA
    U GOT IT!

    Whew. I’m tired now.

  4. OMG! Yours + the ones in comments have me cracking UP! I have to say my favorite is “Do you smell carp?”

    • I didn’t read that one to Mrs. Jacket.

      • Good editing hubby.

        My fave was UR INFECTED 2
        and HIV+
        I must be a sick bastard!

        IS IT COLD?

        Hmm. OK. Like that one too!

      • These, plus $30K, worked for Charlie Sheen
        These, plus a Hello Kitty backpack, worked for Woody Allen.
        4 out of 5 pedophiles approve
        Let’s exchange safewords

        My FAVS.


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