Valentines shouldn’t be left as a holiday just for Hallmark. So…to celebrate, I offer you my list of “Rejected Candy Hearts” in the order I wrote them. I surely cannot guarantee no one else has written these too…but I haven’t stolen them from anyone. As you can see, they got a little better (or worse) as I went along.
- UR Infected 2
- Those R Luv Bumps
- Do you Smell Carp?
- UR Mom was BTR
- Eat this, Soon Yi
- I’m a QB for the NY Jets. Want some candy?
- 200 of these a day and you too, can look like Oprah
- If three of these don’t work, try some Valtrex
- Mouth Hug Me
- It Rubs Lotion on its’ skin
- We can call them Genital Moles if it makes you feel more comfortable
- No longer on the offender list
- These, plus $30K worked for Charlie Sheen
- These plus a Hello Kitty backpack worked for Woody Allen.
- 4 out of 5 pedophiles approve
- Let’s exchange safewords
I think that is enough. You have any?