Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | April 24, 2011

Things heard in a Catholic Parking Lot

Heard this in the Catholic Church parking lot behind my House this Easter Morning…

  1. “He better not be long-winded, all the Jews are going to be getting all the good stuff at the Easter Sale at Best Buy.”
  2. “Can’t I just get in the Express line? I’m double parked.”
  3. “Just leave the Bible in the car, they don’t actually use them here.”
  4. “Wonder if I can I get my cracker with some butter and Jelly on it? And maybe a latte’?”
  5. “Eff these twice-a-year Catholics, that’s my parking place!!!!”
  6. “We’re not one of those twice-a-year Catholic families, we come on Mother’s Day too.”
  7. “Couldn’t they move this Sunrise Service to somewhere around 11?”
  8. “How much do we have to give today not to come back until Christmas?”
  9. “Just leave the car double parked and running so we can be first in line at the Golden Corral.”
  10. “Welcome to our Three Service Easter Sunday/Money for a New Parking Lot.”
  11.  “Tennis shoes? You’re telling me your feet grew three sizes since the last time we went to Church?”
  12. “No Son. That was not the Torpedo of Truth Tour.”
  13. “This isn’t your fathers’ Catholic Church.  Playing the Organ means something entirely different now.”

And a bonus from a family member of mine…

“Happy Resurrection Sunday, as officially endorsed in Chapter 5, verse 4, of the Book of Nonexistence!”


  1. LOL!!!!! That was swell!!! I really got a chuckle out of it and my taxi driver thinks I am nuts now but all is well!!! Thank-you!!!!

    • Thanks for stopping by…I do this to give a few laughs and, if that is all you get in a cab, consider yourself lucky.

  2. I love #5: 5.“Eff these twice-a-year Catholics, that’s my parking place!!!!”

    Creasters …

  3. I hate Christmas/Easter Catholics. Either go every week and be a good Catholic, or don’t go at all. I’m a bad Catholic, I don’t go at all. If I am going to go to church, I’ll go on just some random Sunday or better yet, find a weeknight mass. Those are always better. The priest doesn’t get long-winded, he’s more personable. I can actually find parking. I shouldn’t have to pray just to find parking at a church. That’s what the Jews have figured out perfectly. No parking lots at the synagogue. You have to walk there. That’s the rule. You wanna go, you walk. Keeps all the iffy-people out.

  4. Being a little harsh on the Catholics, aren’t ya? 😉 Ah, what the hell. They deserve it. I used to be one of those faithful Catholics who bitched about not being able to sit comfortably for all the C & E Christians who showed up on the holidays. The old me is what prevented me from going to church yesterday. That and the fact that my husband asked, “Why do you want to go to church on Easter? We haven’t been there in forever. Why now?”

    • This Church is in my back yard…it is silly how crazy it gets on Christmas, Easter and Mothers Day.

  5. One of my former pastors referred to the twice-a-year attendees as “Poinsettias” and “Easter Lilies.” Only saw them twice a year.

    The hope is that some of those semi annual attendees might realize it’s not that painful and come back on a non-holiday. What a thought!

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