Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | May 21, 2011

Parody Song: Scarf Knitting


 

To the Tune of Night Swimming, By R.E.M.

Scarf knitting, by those with looks of fright.
The photograph on the doily, taken years ago,
of a boyfriend scared by the size of her nose.
Every slip-stitch masks the pain of her curse.
She doesn’t own a mirror
To read every Twilight book is her pledge
True Blood is on tonight.

Stripes are slimming, but still a scary sight

She blames it on an active thyroid gland
It’s not like years ago,
Insists she’s not distraught,
Eats chocolate cake and Xanax.
No one wants to see her naked.
Hey Ellen, She might be gay,
Maybe she’ll crochet.

Cat Sitting, is all she does tonight.
Her 50’s coming soon.
Still pining for a dude.
Hasn’t even had two
Might still be a virgin
Technically a nun
Never gonna get her some
Tonight it is scarf knitting.

“Pattenson I would screw you.
I know you’re not gay.
Well, maybe I could turn you.
Are you ‘lergic?
To Siamese or to garlic?”
Cake eating.

The spool of yarn reflects,
every row change a reminder.
Scarf knitting deserves a quiet night, deserves a quiet night.

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Responses

  1. BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA.

    However, this is not the parody we discussed.

  2. C’mon…it changed.

    Break off the chains!!!!

  3. Oh Man! Ripped it!

    Hahahahahahaha.

  4. Michael Stipe would be proud!


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