Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | November 27, 2011

Students Guilty of Bad Winter Break Choice*

ST.LOUIS (Missouri)- Despite united claims of innocence, the three American students released from custody disagree about the events surrounding their arrest for possessing Molotov cocktails during Egyptian clashes with the military and riot police.

Egyptian authorities insist that Luke Gates, Derrik Sweeney and Gregory Porter were detained because a bag filled with a camera, a bottle of gasoline, empty bottles and a towel were found with the American students in Egypt for a semester long study abroad program.

The three boys insist they were in Egypt to begin their film careers with their initial offering, “Middle Eastern Women Gone Wild” and that production had gone south due to numerous unforeseen delays.   The “Gone Wild” series of videos were made famous by Joe Francis for taking advantage of the effects of alcohol on young women by getting them to remove their clothing after their inhibitions were lowered from the alcohol.

Gates said, “Who could’ve known that they don’t allow beer in Egypt?”

The students don’t deny that they were in possession of the items, but insists they were using them to exchange with young Egyptian women to get them to remove their Burqas

“Do you know how many Molotov Cocktails we had to give away before we could find one firm-worthy girl?” asked Sweeney.

“I had to drink a lot of Bebsi to get all of those bottles…we had a real investment in this and now it is gone.”

After meeting at Lake Havasu last spring, the boys planned this trip immediately after their first Absinthe party and the trip snowballed from there.

“We are Americans,” exclaimed Gates, “We have certain rights and the world is a free place.  So we were just doing our thing.”

Mary Porter, mother of the youngest of the three boys, insisted, “Greggy (Gregory) is just an innocent victim here.  He was just holding the camera.”

The boys have agreed, after the recent events, to cancel their scheduled Spring Break trip to Iran.

*This story is fictional and intended for satire purposes only


  1. I’m still waiting for a Real Housewives of Riyadh series…

  2. Funny dude! It’s gotta be a tough assignment getting Cleopatra to drop the burqa.

    Oh and by the way, there is now a fatwā (aka burn notice) out on you for making fun of this incident.


    • Damn it.

      Sent from my iPad

      • Don’t worry! For only $1 a day, you can purchase Fatwa Protection from Colonial Pen Coverage Plans Amalgamated Worldwide Underwriters & Undertakers. Our specially trained Protection Team also delivers great halal pizza! (extra charges apply)

        If they get you anyway we guarantee free autopsy and cremation services. Plus, the Protection Team will call 911!

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