Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | January 5, 2012

Blind Faith


I don’t normally tell stories around here because they tend to get me into trouble and cause sudden unemployment, but I might be able to survive this one…or just end up sleeping on the couch.

My wife started a nutrition plan Mid-December.

Since my daily diet has consisted of coffee, Mtn. Dew and one 1000 calorie meal, called dinner, a day, I thought I could join in the melee.  She has all meals planned in advance and I eat three (3) 400 calorie meals during the day.

Breakfast and Dinner are consumed at home and I eat exactly what she tells me to eat.  Nothing more; nothing less.

I might half-heartedly complain, but I eat it.

Blind Faith.

Lunches are prepared a day in advance.  When she makes her lunch, she prepares a second portion for me to eat the following day.  It gets marked in the refrigerator with a yellow sticky.

I open the door grab the marked container and it is done.  if it is a salad, I eat ti cold.  If not, I heat it up and eat it.

Blind Faith.

Last night, she stressed the importance not to grab the wrong container.  She had never stressed this previously, so I was very careful this morning.   The menu called for a “Red Bean Chili.”

I never really know what they diced, pureed or mashed version of these meals I am getting, I just eat it.

Blind Faith.

I opened the container at work and it didn’t look like any Chili that I had ever eaten.

I heated it in the microwave for 90 seconds.

Blind Faith.

After it was done, I opened it and it smelled like a mix of tomato and something…and it was in some kind of paste form.

Must be “Red Bean Chili.”  Maybe just “blended.”

I ate it.

Blind Faith.

It was bitter, spicy, acidic and very peppery.

After I cleaned the container, I posted on my wife’s Facebook Wall questioning the food…it seemed more like a rust remover.  But she insisted it was Chili.

It took coming home and finding the unmarked container of Chili in the refrigerator to discover what had happened.

She marked a puree of red pepper, cayenne and tomato that was intended to be eaten as a dip…in very small doses.

Blind Faith.

This did not sit well on my stomach that already had tomato “issues” due to an excessive amount of tomato soup eaten during what I call “The Divorce Years” of my childhood.

My stomach has been burning all day.

When I came home, my wife suggested that I drink some milk to soothe my stomach.

Blind Faith.

Expired milk.

She’s trying to kill me.

 

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Responses

  1. You’d better be more careful. If she really wants to kill you, it’s going to be all too easy. She might just puree some of that green bean casserole. Or some sweet potatoes with marshmallow topping.

    • It was disgustingly bitter and acidic. I thought the whole time that this can’t be right…but she gave it to me. We are eating something different each night now…as far as I knew, this was right.

  2. I love that Band…….Blind Faith….

  3. I agree. Sleep with one eye open. 🙂

  4. I think this is the proper arrangement. Blind faith, with one eye open. And be sure to check the labels. Otherwise you should be good to go. So to speak.


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