Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | May 28, 2012

Suspect At Large

BELLA VILLE, MO- New Residents George and Mary Sullivan, after their first night after moving from St. Louis to Bella Ville, were startled by a strange noise outside of their home at 5:30AM on Saturday.

Mr. Sullivan, who starts his new position as City Planner on Tuesday, used the Memorial Holiday weekend to move his family to the much smaller Bella Ville, but wasn’t sure what to think of the strange noise.

“I was already awake trying to get my Internet connection working so I could read the news from last night,” said Mr. Sullivan, “when I heard a slow-moving vehicle approach the front of the house followed by a dull thud.  I made it to the window only to see the car approach my neighbors’ house, but I couldn’t really see what it was doing out there…he might have been throwing stuff out of the window.”

He described the vehicle as a late-model station wagon adorned with worn faux wood paneling.  There was only one person in the vehicle, but the passenger window was down.

“I would’ve called the police,” added Mr. Sullivan, “but I couldn’t get a cell phone signal without roaming…Damn Verizon!”

Mrs. Sullivan, was equally disturbed, “We moved away from the city to get away from this kind of trouble and we can’t even get past the first day without being harassed.  Last night, everyone seemed so friendly brings cakes, pies and bottles of wine, but now this!”

She added, “Maybe they just don’t like outsiders around here!”

The only evidence that remained was a small bundle of paper wrapped in plastic.

“It looked like garbage,” said Mr. Sullivan, “and when I called the police, after three of my texts didn’t go through, the officer on duty said that he had one of these in his driveway.  It was like this was a common thing around here.  I am going to make some changes to this small town.”

When asked what they did with the evidence, Mrs Sullivan said that she would “probably wrap some of her extra dishes for attic storage or put some coffee grounds” in the strange paper, but was still disturbed about the whole situation.

We visited the Sullivan home again after trying to cal them for an update, but Mrs. Sullivan indicated that they didn’t know what a “land line” was and that Mr. Sullivan had driven into town to try to get a wireless signal so he could get his morning news.



  1. This cracked me up 🙂

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