1. Women’s Tennis Association to ban grunting and screaming because it creates an unfair competitive advantage. This is to also be adopted by the National Association of Prostitutes.
2. Queen and IRA leader shaking hands isn’t nearly as big as if Drake and Chris Brown did the same.
3. Future NBA star Anthony Davis cashing in on physical feature by copyrighting “Fear the Brow.” I’m going to do the same with “don’t be afraid of my small penis.”
4. The Supreme Court rules it is un-Constitutional to limit corporate donations to campaigns and in a case argued earlier this year and, in an unsolicited decision, classified Nancy Peloci’s face an EPA Hazard.
5. I’d be waiting on pins and needles for tomorrows’ health care ruling, but needles aren’t covered by my insurance…so I’m just kind of sitting here.