Evidently my free time writing this weekend was influenced by football…and just being in a generally bad mood.
1. Miraculously, American children are nearly immune from the West Nile virus because they’d actually have to go outside.
2. The Budget Crisis hits the Tonight Show staff…Jay Leno had to lay off a hundred employees, while he’s still drawing $20 million in salary…it’s a good thing he’s already used to hiding in closets.
3. Due to recent events in the football community, I’m thinking they might consider renaming the ‘Illegal Touching’ penalty to “Sanduskied.”
4. In a NFL exhibition game between Dallas and San Diego on Saturday, replacement referrees mistook a Port-A-John for the replay booth. But, fortunately they found the New York Jets’ offense under the lid.
5. Saying Kyle Orton has a job in the NFL is like saying Arsenio is still in show business.
6. Technically, I guess it is considered “cheese,” but if I wanted “Fat Free Cheese,” I would just shoot myself in the face.
7. Jennifer Lopez has announced that she’ll be making a new 3D movie…just in case we all forgot how bad Gigli was…
8. A Swedish study suggests that smoking during pregnancy may cause an entire generation of TV junkies addicted to soda and potato chips