Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | December 3, 2012

Washington Lobbying Group Restores Monday’s Name

The secretive Washington Lobbying group, Monday Is Not So Shitty (MINSS,) tasked with improving the name of ‘Monday’ in society, has ceased operations due to more favorable ratings of their client.

A spokesman for MINSS, Carl Mowery, said, “It is bitter sweet. We’ve been working at this for decades without success only to make a breakthrough that really made things easier for us.”

Initially, MINSS tried accepting the fact that everyone hated Mondays, trying to make light of it with songs like “Just Another Manic Monday” and subliminal movie messages.

But those ideas backfired.

“We had to let Ralph (Patton) go after the 1999 debacle with the ‘Case of the Mondays’ line in Office Space,” said Carl, “We had been losing to Friday for the whole decade. That Balki and Urkel along with those f*cking Olson Twins had been putting it to us for too long.”

Carl is making reference to the American Broadcasting Networks’ ‘TGIF’ lineups of the late 1980s and 1990s of feel good shows like Boy Meets World, Family Matters, Perfect Strangers and Full House that not only help ABCs bottom line, but also helped raise Friday’s approval ratings to a high of 83%.

It wasn’t until the fourth quarter of 2007 that MINSS finally came up with their successful strategy.

“It all became clear,” added Carl, “after a chance Monday morning meeting with (former co-worker) Ralph at a coffee shop where I was rushed and mad about going to work after a relaxing weekend. I tripped over him after getting my Caramel Macchiato. Despite scalding him with hot sugary coffee that clung to his dirty skin, he was still relaxed about it being Monday…because he didn’t have to go to work.”


MINSS accepted that the only successful approach to improving the impression of Monday was to get less people working.

“We (MINSS) worked hard on the Gore and Kerry campaigns to get the political system working for us, but we are advertising executives…not magicians. We knew that after Bush II, we were going to have to target the financial sector.”

And attack they did, as unemployment numbers have risen in the past four years, the favorable ratings of Monday have jumped up to 53% while Fridays have seen their numbers drop to pre-1975 levels.

While Carl’s job is completed he looks forward to spending some time on the sidewalk with his old friend Ralph.

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