Some days, gifts are just dropped on your lap.
Like an early morning Papal resignation. The task is to keep it PG-13 and try to stay away from the Pedophile angle…within reason.
1. After an amazing Christmas performance, Pope Benedict exercises the opt out clause in his contract. Mormons expected to be leading suitor.
2. Pope Benedict realizing his dream & filling a needed role of divine intervention as non-roster invitee as Houston Astros middle reliever.
3. Oddly enough, the list of organization on Pope Benedict’s Non-Comp list includes NAMBLA.
4. It’s alright Pope, there comes a time when all of us realize that our ‘duties’ would be better performed by a younger, more energetic man.
5. Now, Pope Benedict, we also saw the promo for Kate Upton’s SI Swimsuit Issue, but you’ll probably need to fix the ‘energy’ thing for her too…
6. Since no sitting Pope has been replaced in 400 years, I’m pretty sure the new one has to pull a sword out of a big rock or something.
7. Posturing for Papal Inauguration singer already underway. Jay-Z hints Andrea Bocelli isn’t really blind.
8. New candidate platform already being written taking the Catholic Church back to its’ founding principles…Less Bible; More Alcohol.
9. I wish my wife would’ve listened to me and not thrown out my Cardinal Benedict rookie trading card over the weekend…the value of that thing has to be skyrocketing.
10. This is all about dollars, that Papal Retirement plan has been sitting for over 400 years gathering interest.