1. You’ve turned the corner on being cool when you use St. Patrick’s Day as an excuse to make corned beef instead of drinking before 9 am.
2. Greyhound passengers reported roaches crawling out of vents on a trip to New York. In a related story, Carnival expresses interest in purchasing Greyhound.
3. Samsung has announced the release the on new S4 phone that can be controlled with the movements of one’s eye. The Marketing Dept., excited about the new challenge, immediately changed the working name used by Engineering Department of ‘Eyeball Cancer Phone.’
4. It is cool to find out that CBS is hiring small breasted women.
5. Jews saying they welcome the new Pope is like you ‘welcoming’ your neighbor who says he talks to people who aren’t really there.