1. President Obama tried to write a secret letter to Iranian leader Ayatollah Khamenei about their fight against common foes. Advisers managed to remove references to Senate Republicans, but left in the part about Islamic State militants. The letter was a tightly held secret until the President had to ask how many stamps he needed for Standard Rate postage to Iran.
2. Jon Stewart is taking some heat this week after he said, in a CNN interview, that he didn’t vote and then recanted later in the day saying that he was just kidding and actually did vote. The Comedy Central ‘The Daily Show’ host is hoping to distract everyone by putting out a really shitty movie that everyone will hate.
3. Lincoln is attributing an increase in automobile sales following a series of Saturday Night Live parody skits last week of their Matthew McConaughey ads starring Jim Carrey. Chevy, though, may have miscalculated this week by filming a series of Amanda Bynes commercials.
4. Trying to capitalize on the success of the Lincoln car advertisements starring Matthew McConaughey, Crack has signed up Amanda Bynes.
5. The FBI is defending an agent impersonating an Associated Press reporter to lure a suspect out of hiding. They’re saying that if criminals dumb enough to believe that there are still paid reporters walking around, then they get what they deserve.
6. Despite a nearly impossible plot continuation after Toy Story 3 had Woody being given to another owner, the announcement came yesterday that Toy Story 4 will be released mid-2017. Producers indicated that they didn’t find the plot too difficult to develop from atop their huge pile of cash.
7. I can sympathize with Ex-Navy Seal Robert O’Neill stepping forward and not wanting someone to take credit for killing Bin Laden. There was this one time we had a Secret Santa gift exchange and someone else was trying to take credit for the $25 Ikea gift card.
8. Sears stock prices jumped today after it was reported that someone under the age of 30 actually considered entering one of their stores.
9. With November upon us, radio stations are beginning to play Christmas music just in time to quench my thirst for a Johnny Mathis and Susan Boyle duet.
10. President Obama and congressional leaders hold cross-party talks with House and Senate leaders aimed at ending political gridlock and clearing up the near impossible task of clearing up confusion plaguing Washington. If they prove they can do that, then maybe they can help me figure out the ending of Lost after all these years.
11. An unnamed White House source confirmed that someone form the Brooklyn U.S. Attorney’s Office, Loretta Lynch, will be the next U.S. Attorney General ending her promising career as ‘Black Loretta Lynn.’
12. Russian President Vladimir Putin, says not to worry about the column of 32 Russian military vehicles and 16 howitzers cruising across the Russian border into Ukraine today, they’re just filming a Matthew McConaughey parody commercial.
13. ESPN is reporting that Tennessee Titans team president Tommy Smith says coach Whisenhunt and GM Webster are safe, adding their names to the ‘safe list’ which includes anyone who plays against the Tennessee Titans.