Off My Medication 11-12-14

BBC News is reporting that German tourists were accused this week of stealing ancient artifacts from an Egyptian great pyramid.  They would’ve gotten away with it if they hadn’t burned their hands on a hot medallion that fell into a roaring fire.

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CNN Headline News personality Nancy Grace being sued for falsely accusing a ‘selfie stalker’ on her show.    Her attorneys are arguing that it really isn’t defamation since no one was actually watching her show.

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On day one of President Obama’s trip to China, the United States reached an agreement for China to reduce emissions goals five years after the United States, or, according to ‘Joe Biden Math,’ exactly at the same time.

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A New Jersey lawmaker said on Monday that he doesn’t want Atlantic City to “become Detroit.”   Which is like a crack addict saying “at least I’m not on heroin.”

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You ever have that guy who hangs out for too long at your place?   Sure, he was cool for a while and had these neat little quirky sayings…like a decade earlier…but still thinks they’re cool today.  Randy Jackson announced today that he’s leaving American Idol.

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Microsoft announced that Technicians worked out the nineteen issues with Software that they’ve been battling for 19 years.   They were waiting for the kids to get old enough so they could handle the truth.

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Iran indicated that they responded to the letters they received from the U.S. Government last week, but that President Obama didn’t bother picking them up from the Iranian personal courier, Vladimir Putin, when they met today.

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Everyone celebrating the Rosetta Comet Mission except for the four dweebs that effed up the harpoon system. They’ll probably just tell their grandkids that they worked on the solar panels.

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A Montana man wants to rebrand the Ku Klux Klan as a nicer, more diverse organization that allows black members.  He’s planning to call his group ‘The Republican Party.’