Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | December 6, 2014

Off My Medication 12-5-14

President Obama selected Ashton Carter as his new Secretary of Defense.   He should really consider coming up with a tougher sounding guy.   ‘Ashton Carter’ sounds more like a person to appoint as ‘Secretary of Boy Bands.’
A New York City woman holding her baby in a chest carrier was kicked in the back by a local mugger.   It is a part of Kinder/Gentler Bronx Mugging Initiative.
DTE Energy reported massive power outages in Detroit this week.   Officials indicated that it has nothing to do with Detroit not being able to pay it’s bill.
Earlier this week, Snooki’s husband agreed to plead guilty to Driving While Intoxicated, but is holding onto his ‘insanity’ plea for Marrying Under the Influence.
Iowa Police say that Marvin Hill became upset and a McChicken sandwich at his wife because he doesn’t like them.  Mrs. Hill is responding by giving him a month of McFlurry.
Papa Johns stores in Philadelphia delivered on their promise to give out free pizzas when the 76ers ended their 0-17 skid with an 85-77 victory over the Minnesota Timberwolves on Wednesday night.   Minnesota fans were rewarded by getting free boiled cabbage crammed into their mailboxes.
Japan’s Takata Corporation has refused to impose a mandatory recall of their airbags that could explode and soot out shrapnel.  They have passed that decision onto someone who they partner with their business partners…automakers, which is almost as good of an idea as letting local prosecutors investigate local law enforcement personnel.
The Justice Department is accusing two Florida for-profit colleges of using strippers to lure students to their schools.    Law Enforcement officials were tipped off to the scheme when other local businesses reported shortages of toupees and red convertibles.
Baltimore Ravens’ lineman Haloti Ngata was suspended 4 games by NFL for Adderall use and his parents were fined for improper consonant use on his birth certificate.

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