Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | June 19, 2015
Off My Medication 6-19-15
1. President Obama, at a Tyler Perry fundraiser in Hollywood yesterday, compared his life in the White House to a prison sentence. Which explains why Obama has been hitting on the Presidential seamstress for the past two weeks.
2. The BBC admits that their prototype app, ‘Mind Control TV,’ needs to have a few bugs worked out before release. The application allowing users to change the channels to whatever they were thinking about seemed to get all buggy when the programmer’s TVs kept scrolling through channels, only stopping when finding boobs.
3. Def Jam founder Russell Simmons says that Kim Kardashian would make a better president than Donald Trump. Evidently, Trump’s billions in net worth doesn’t carry as much weight as Kim Kardashian’s assets.
4. After successful trials in San Diego, McDonald’s is expanding their all-day breakfast test to even more cities that just can’t manage to be bothered getting up for breakfast before 10:30 am.
5. Marvel sources deny that they’re not attending the San Diego Comic-Con for the first time in years just because Star Wars will be dominating the July event, but they can’t help but look like small dude in the men’s locker room waiting to shower after all the big guys are gone.
6. Researchers announced that they’ve developed a vaccine that can protect against chlamydia. They can finally confirm success after conducting the six week trials at the most like transmission location–Madonna’s 2015 Tour entourage rehearsals.
7. The streaming music service, Spotify, celebrated landing former Netflix executive Barry McCarthy. McCarthy is credited with coming up with the creative practices that led to the success of Netflix, but disappointed the team with his idea to relaunch Spotify by sending red sleeves stuffed with music disks in the mail.
8. Warner Brothers executives are concerned about the creative differences on the upcoming Captain Sully film, since the team can’t agree on who will play the co-pilot. Star Tom Hanks wants the role to be played by a half-inflated volleyball, but director Clint Eastwood thinks it is a great idea is to have Hanks spend the entire film talking to an empty chair.
9. Despite the Apple Watch only being two months old, rumors of upgrades in the next release are already being leaked. The next version is believed to include a video camera on the watch to allow wears to use the newest app PeeTime.
10. Despite the apparent increase in shark attacks, a study of animals caused deaths from 2001 to 2013 indicates a person is more like to be killed by a cow than attacked by a shark. A representative of the Shark Union denies that any of their members sponsored the study and invites everyone to get back in the water.