Posted by: Ignorethebucklesonmyjacket | August 8, 2017

Off My Medication 8-8-17

1.  Little Caesar’s is adding a new wrinkle to their operation by selling pizzas in their store through two machines that accept payment and avoid interaction with store employees.   They are calling it ‘Pizza Portals’, which is extremely disappointing since I was saving the title ‘Pizza Portal’ for from The Jetsons and would attach directly to my sofa.
2.  Solar Eclipse chasers are excited to get people out to see the big event in two weeks and tell newbies that there can only be one ‘first time.’  Meaning that one can be looking forward to it for years and, when it finally happens, it’ll be so disappointing that you’ll end up crying in the bathtub when it is over.
3.  A shipwreck off the coast of Hong Kong resulted in the spilling up approximately 5000 gallons of congealed palm oil.   Although the environmental impact is negligible, local are reporting some remarkably tanned carp in Hong Kong fish markets.
4.  Phoenix resident Mark Ohman, after being stranded for days in the Arizona desert, was forced to drink his own urine to survive.  After the press conference his wife greeted him with a hearty and loving fist bump.
5.  A Google employee was fired yesterday after he posted on a company message board that women don’t get jobs in technology because of Biology.  I don’t understand all of the outrage, my high school guidance counselor said that I lost out on my academic scholarship because of Biology.

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